Here are the Worst Persons on the Jordan River Trail on 8-08-08, with apologies to Keith Olberman:
4. The slobs who threw their empty water bottles on the bench a mere 10 feet from the garbage barrel and those additional slobs who threw other trash into the duck ponds.
3. The total idiot who thought he was John Wayne and rode his horse down the Jordan River Trail, ignoring the "no horses" sign. Fortunately, the horse behaved itself when horses, as we all know, have an annoying habit of relieving themselves frequently. But how do you explain the continually clean streets of Dodge City in Gunsmoke and other towns in Western movies where ladies in long dresses that sweep the dirt on the street never have to deal with horse refuse? The horses seem to be exceptionally well behaved. Bet you never, ever noticed, so you learned something new here.
2. Multiple Worst Persons are the usual moron dog owners, including those who allow their dogs to do their business on the trail or just to the side of it, and a special award to the special outstanding moron who, each morning, takes his two big dogs, unleashed, for a run along the trail. I mentioned the word leash to him a couple of times the past month but he just yelled at me. Apparently he lives in a special dream world where the rules do not apply to him.
1. But the special award for absolutely Worst Person goes to the imbecile who, in the dark of night, dumped an old TV, a long 4 x 4 beam, and a bunch of long tree branches in the dumpster by the picnic area that has a No Dumping--$500 fine posted on it. But who is going to be monitoring the dumpster at 2:00 a.m. or whenever this jerk thought it would be safe to dump his junk? Special recognition for meritorious Worseness goes to the Dumpster law-breaker for his cleverness in getting rid of his junk.
There you have them. The Worst Persons on the Jordan River Trail on 8-08-08. Don't send me comments defending them or telling me to quit griping and get a life and realize that some percentage of people are jerks and morons when it comes to personal behavior. It is my duty to gripe and complain. That's what my blog is all about, to coin a cliche.