As I have frequently mentioned, I have a bachelor of science degree in agriculture from the University of Wyoming. I also grew up on a farm and did child labor stints pulling weeds out of Mother's garden. As a result, my wife expects me to know about growing stuff. At UW, I learned how to count sagebrush plants per antelope on the prairie and how to tell a chicken from a goose. My wife has reluctantly conceded after many years that I know absolutely nothing of value in terms of home and garden. However, I pass along these important points about gardening I learned this summer:
1. The number of zucchinis produced per plant is inversely correlated to the size of the plant. The following plant by my back door provides a visual aid to support my observation:
This huge plant resembles the plant in Little Shop of Horrors but produced only one huge zucchini and one little bitty zucchini. So much for zucchini all summer.
2. Do not plant tomato plants amongst your petunia plants. Doing so will aggravate your spouse, who will point out to you daily that the tomato plant is strangling the petunias. Moreover, I discovered that the tomato plants did not thrive in this location. I had expected to be plucking tomatoes right by the front door. Alas, I pulled the tomato plants a month ago, thereby improving household pleasantries.
3. Cucumbers are difficult to grow by my back door. Last year the gardeners hoed them out, thinking they were weeds. This year, I harvested only one little puny cucumber.
4. Do not expect to know anything about growing anything.
5. Expect most of your plants to fail and burn out in the July and August heat.
6. Visit the farm produce market nearest your home as frequently as needed.