The Blue and the Red: Day 4 Until the BYU-Utah Football Game
Well boys and girls, the tension is building, the animosities are intensifying, the recriminations are accelerating, the blames for losing are being creatively formulated before the game just in case, the media are hyping the Event of the Year in Utah. I was down by the St. George LDS temple yesterday when a little boy, probably about five or so, walked by wearing a Fully Invested BYU blue tee-shirt. He saw the "Y" on my cap and gave me a high-five. That was one smart, well-taught, and promising little kid. He will go far in life and live happily ever after. I told his mother who was with him that she could be very proud of her son. The mother said she had taught her children while they were young. But then a guide in the nearby visitor's center saw me and came out to visit. He noticed the "Y" on my hat and informed me that his son had been student body president at the "U". Sad day. So I could see where he was going with that conversation.
For your enlightenment and enjoyment, here are some major differences between the BYU Cougars and the University of Utah Utes.
1. BYU has a clever mascot known as Cosmo who runs around the games in his sweaty Cosmo cougar suit which I am sure can use a shot of Fabreze here and there, while the U of U has a mascot named Swoop or something like that which is a silly looking bird running around in a red bird uniform with a big beak. The U had to give up its Indian-type mascot a few years ago to stay PC, but retains the team name of Utes. BYU has always, since Brigham Young first anointed the Salt Lake Valley as the place, or at least shortly thereafter, had a PC, noncontroversial, and wonderful mascot. Who ever felt loyal to a big red floppy bird? I remember when the U still had its Indian mascot riding around the stadium on a pony when I was at the University of Wyoming and attended a Wyoming-Utah game in Salt Lake. An inebriated Wyoming fan, a characteristic of some Wyoming Cowboy fans, decked the poor Indian with an empty beer bottle. I sided with the Indian on this one.
2. BYU is located in Utah County, approximately 30 minutes south of Salt Lake County depending on whether you are among the minority who obey the I-15 speed limit, wherein the University of Utah is located. But 30 minutes or 30 miles masks the fact that Utes and Cougars live in two different worlds. One of the main differences here is that Utah County is red with a capital R, Republican-wise, known as one of the purest red counties in our good old U S of A. Utah County is a county in which you can get elected or reelected to anything if you have the big "R" by your name on the ballot. Utah County is a hotbed of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity lovers, where the only news worth watching is on Fox News. The U of U, on the other hand, is in slightly blue Salt Lake County, which registered 296 more votes for President-elect Obama than for McCain, an outcome that has left many Utahns in complete shock. Salt Lake County has elected a democratic mayor of late, which further appalls veteran true patriotical red-blooded Utah Republicans. The irony here, of course, is that politics and football team colors seem all mixed up and confusing. U of U types tend more likely to watch Keith Olberman, Rachel Maddow, MSNBC, and to read the liberal New York Times to gain their knowledge of the political process.
3. At BYU, students have to behave themselves if they want to stay in school and abstain from any form of evil whatsoever, whereas U of U students probably mostly behave themselves but the ones who don't can stay in school and go act like aborigines at the U-BYU football games. The abstinence from evil stuff at BYU is what really ticks off a fine red-blooded, All-American, Ute fan.
4. BYU students can go to the Wilkinson Center between classes to fatten up on mommy-type comfort goodies like really big Rice Krispie treats and the all-time favorite, mint fudge brownies. Better go early, however, since these two items tend to sell out by noon. U of U students, on the other hand, go down to Starbucks, where if non-LDS, they indulge in lattes and other sophisticated types of drinks that would get them kicked out of BYU.
5. Utah County has what is sometimes called the longest strip mall in the country on State Street in Orem, which is populated with car lots, car parts stores, tire stores, car repair shops, auto body shops, towing services, K-Mart, fast-food places, payday loan stores, convenience stores, and many, many, other such fine stores you will want to visit on a daily basis. Salt Lake, on the other hand, and often overlooked in the above comment about Orem's strip mall, has another State Street which extends many, many, times longer than the one in Orem, with basically the same types of businesses.
Unfortunately, dear reader, we have run out of space for this blog post, and we have not even got down to the nitty gritty of the coming battle between Republicans and Democrats, between coffee drinkers and Diet Coke drinkers, between blue clad fans who may even call each other brother and sister, and red clad fans who are going to be likely not to welcome the Cougar football team and cheerleaders and Cosmo into the stadium with "Welcome Cougar Boys and Cougar Girls, Have a Nice Day." Whatever. If BYU is down after the first quarter, I may not be able to watch the rest of it. At least, until the last ten seconds when we will still have a chance to pull it out.
