The BYU-University of Utah Football Game Starts in Two Hours: Ten Reasons not to Watch the Game

Here are ten reasons not to watch the BYU-University of Utah football game this afternoon, other than obvious ones, such as you don't know whether Utah is a Continent, a Country, or a State, or where it is located, and could care less, or that you don't have the Mountain television channel which the inventors thereof brilliantly set up so as to make it impossible for LDS BYU fans worldwide to have the ability to see the game and thereby likely to reduce their future contributions to the athletic program.  Here are the reasons:

1. The president of the University of Utah is a BYU graduate.
2. The coach of the Utah football game is a former BYU football star player. 
3. Utah Man is a truly egregious fight song. 
4. Rice-Eccles Stadium.  Who cares about who Rice was or who Eccles was other than the fact they got their names on the stadium?  Every one knows who LaVell Edwards is when they go to LaVell Edwards stadium.
5. The red uniforms of the Ute players are hard on the eyes. 
6. Watching the Ute football fans in various stages of primitive behavior makes you sick. 
7. Watching the Ute mascot is downright silly.  Swoop or whatever the floppy red bird is named is definitely not scary.
8. There might be some Democrats and Limbaugh haters in the crowd. 
9. Some of the fans may have imbibed in the sauce before coming to the game. 
10. You might hear some bad language. 
11. Well actually, there are more than ten reasons.  You can save your blood pressure and avoid having a heart attack. 
12. You won't have to agonize over each and every pass interference call, holding call, excessive celebrating call, roughing the kicker or the quarterback call, or all other egregious calls that the refs obviously, definitely, should have called on the Utes. 
13. You can check the score after the game anyway.  If BYU won, watch the replay of the game.  If they lost, avoid all media references to the game so you won't get sick as the Utes are then ordained to enter the hallowed BCS halls and finally get to play a really, really good team. 
14. My neighbor with the Ute flag unkindly reminded me this morning that his precious team had already beaten two of my alma maters, Michigan and Wyoming, and today was going to make it three. 
15. My other neighbor, a retired orthopedic surgeon who flies motorized model airplanes, and who wore a brilliant U of U shirt to the neighborhood breakfast this morning, spread rumors that I was throwing rocks at his model airplanes.  Good idea.   

See you after the game.  If we win.  Have a nice day.