The Curmudgeonly Professor Reflects on the Futility of New Year's Resolutions

Millions of people, if not billions, throughout the world are now going through the annual rite of futility--making New Years Resolutions.  Doing so makes them feel better, instantaneously, like momentarily repenting of one's egregious sins.  But stop and think:  If New Years Resolutions did any good, or if they were effective, we would now be living in a near-perfect world.  Fat people would all be thin.  Rude people would now all be polite.  Grouchy people would now all be cheerful, exuding sunshine and smiles.  Workers in offices would now double check all details on orders and paperwork, making sure no stupid and inexcusable errors remained that would require months of exasperation, dozens of phone calls, and thousands of dollars worth of effort to correct.  People in movie theaters would now shut their blabbering mouths and turn off their cell phones.  

Teen agers would now pick up their dirty laundry on their bedroom floors, keep their rooms clean, and faithfully observe the principles of basic hygiene.   Husbands would vacuum floors, do dishes, help fix meals, read to their kids, and stop making excuses about not having time to do what they don't want to bother doing.  Folks would stop yakking on cell phones with one hand while trying to steer monster SUVs through heavy traffic with the other hand, or worse, fixing their hair with their other hand while steering with their knee with a dog on their lap. Congress would figure out what the country and the world actually need for a change without promoting and voting for their own selfish interests at the expense of everyone else.  Hamas and Israel and everyone else would stop killing each other.  

Sinners would go to church and shape up.  People would forgive each other of petty grudges and even worse things and get rid of centuries of guilt.  We would all start eating healthy fruits and vegetables and lean protein and give up all the junk we love but which we know is killing us.  We would find someone who needs help, a phone call, a pat on the back, a sack of groceries, a lawn mowed, a house cleaned, a story read, and skip watching reality shows for three hours a day to lend a hand.  We would stop doing and saying things that we know wound and irritate others, and which we may have been doing for decades, either deliberately, or without thinking.  We would give kids, wives, dogs, and anyone else who needed them, hugs and kind words.

But maybe we could at least think small and find two or three manageable things we might change, tasks we might do, habits or behavior patterns we know we should change, and go from there.  Small changes have a way of multiplying once we get the hang of them.  We may not make ourselves and the world perfect, but we surely have the means of making at least some important steps in that direction.  We need not wait until we are on our deathbed, repent momentarily, and then, when our eyelids flicker open and we realize we haven't passed away, say, "Oh my heck, I'm still alive.  It's back to business as usual."  We don't need a thousand dollars worth of motivational tapes and videos, a library of "ten ways of this" and "twenty ways of that."  We just need to use a little common sense and ask what we can do today to make the world and those around us a little happier and a little better.  And then do the same thing tomorrow. And then the next day.  Until we come to New Years Day 2010.  Then we can assess whether, for a change, we actually made a difference during 2009.  

Happy New Year.