In fulfilling his mission of curmudgeonliness, the Curmudgeonly Professor now expounds on a few of life's recurring irritations, as follows:
- ball point pens. I buy ball point pens by the dozen. By six dozen. And I strew them around everywhere, by the phone, on the night stands, on the end tables, on the counters, in the bathrooms, in the kitchen, in the living room. So why is it that every time I need a ball point pen to jot down a phone number, take a message, or write a 500 word essay, there is never one available. All of the ball point pens disappear just as soon as I have distributed them around. I don't know how this happens. Ball point pens seem to vaporize, disappear, vanish. And they rarely show up in the future. I just bought a couple of dozen more recently. Plus we pick up ball point pens at all of the doctor's and dentist's offices we frequent. These pens are really nice ones, but they all disappear quickly. I blame my wife. Who else is there around here?
- socks. I have complained about socks before. Socks get eaten up in the wash. No matter whether I do the wash or my wife does the wash, socks disappear. A month ago, I kept two socks prominently displayed until their mates showed up in a few days. Weeks later, they missing socks have never appeared. This dilemma irritates me. Ball point pens cost ten or 15 cents apiece for the cheapos, but socks cost $3 a pair unless you get the WalMart ones that don't last very long. Where do socks go?
- TV ads. Again, a recurring gripe. I realize TV stations have to sell ads to survive. But must we see the obnoxious Progressive Insurance lady 250 times per hour, the ambulance chasing attorneys a thousand times a day, and why must the volume be cranked up three times louder when an obnoxious car lot ad comes on? Bless TiVo, but my thumb is getting weak and I am probably getting carpal tunnel syndrome from pushing the fast forward and the delete button on the remote.
- Wastebasket drift. Again, a recurring pain. I would like to get through one day throwing something in the direction of a wastebasket and having it actually go in the wastebasket rather than doing a full earth orbit and an arcing trajectory out into the middle of the floor.
- computer passwords. I have 3,252 passwords. I try to use the same one, but have to keep changing them. I have five single spaced pages, both sides, of computer passwords.
- Scandal mongering cable newspeople who revel in the dirt digging and spreading, ignoring other issues like the global economy and other matters of significant importance, or at least shoving them into obscurity.
I'm sure I'll have a few more irritations at the end of the day. But in the interests of brevity, I will conclude with this beginning list. Have a nice day. And try to smile and not get irritated.