My sister Liz forwarded the UTube clip by Jeanne Robertson titled "Don't Send Your Husband to the Grocery Store." I haven't laughed so hard since the Jazz beat the Lakers. I tried to put a live link on here but the best I could do was copy and paste the link. So copy and paste in your browser and I hope it will work.
The reason this post was so funny is that it could very well have been about my wife and me. She is always sending me in the store for one or two items and I come out with sacks full. Like Jeanne's husband, I have four college degrees including a doctorate and I, too, can never qualify for the express lane. The last time I was sent in to get her pills at the pharmacy and was gone just a bit longer. I explained to my friend the checker lady that I was sent in for one thing and asked her if she thought the box of chocolates I bought, plus the bag of easter egg candies, plus the carton of guava drink, plus two dozen eggs, plus two cartons of Dreyer's ice cream, plus a bag of frosted animal cookies (her favorite), plus some deli potato salad, and perhaps a couple of other things, would compensate for my keeping her waiting a tad longer. Like a half hour. Total: $32.89.
The last time I was sent to the grocery store I bought her a bouquet of flowers for $3.99 plus a heart-shaped box of valentine candy the day after Valentine's day for half price along with about $40 of other necessities of life. The checkout lady sort of implied I was a cheapskate to wait until after Valentine's Day. My wife's idea is that you shop from a list. My idea is that one never knows what one needs in the grocery store until one sees what one needs. Usually on the "sucker" end caps near the checkout counter where the $1.89 potato chips and the $2.39 chocolate chip cookies cannot be missed.
But then the only thing worse than going to the grocery store by one's self, being a doctor of philosophy and all, is going with one's wife. One's wife tends to put the kibosh on all the impulse buying, buy three or four items on the list, head for the exit. What fun is that? How does such skimpy buying benefit the economy? I need to figure out how to speed things up a bit when sent by myself. The last time I was sent in for one thing, I came out with a small bag. "What is in the bag?" she asked. "The one thing I was sent for" I said. She went into shock. I can't guarantee that will ever happen again.