The Curmudgeonly Professor

Typical Conversation Between Wife and Husband Who is Supposed to Wear Hearing Aids

Here is a guide to conversations between wives and their husbands who have spent thousands of dollars on hearing aids:

    Wife: Dear, did you put your hearing aids in?

    Husband (Dear): What?

Riding Off on a Harley When You're Gone

The local St. George Spectrum daily newspaper certainly publishes some interesting obituaries.  Since presumably people pay for them, you can print whatever you write, within bounds, I'm sure.  Old people typically check the obits each day to make sure they are not among them.  Typically, I have heard comments such as "My word all those people are the same age I am."  Yes, and if we continue to live, all those people who have passed, so to speak, will be younger than we are because all the people our age, more or less, have gone to their final reward.

People do tend to get creative when they describe the manner of passing.  In only two obits in the morning paper, one lady was "picked up by the angels and carried into heaven."  A gentle thought to comfort the relatives.  Another gentleman with a handlebar mustache "rode off on his Harley."

An interesting thing about obituaries is how wonderful, how outstanding, how loving and how perfect the deceased were.  We want to think kindly of the departed, only about their good qualities, and forget about the negative traits of their lives.  And relatives who write the obituaries want to include every detail of their lives such as so-and-so was a junior high cheerleader, or another departed worked at 25 jobs.  We usually count up the number of divorces and wives and husbands and children and grandchildren and greatgrandchildren and, occasionally, great-great-great grandchildren.  "Well they sure weren't very prolific.  Wonder what went haywire there?"  And stuff like that.

In Utah, obits of LDS Church members usually list every church "calling" or assignment ever held, including Sunday School teacher, children's nursery worker, and the like.  If the list of church assignments is limited to one or two trivial callings, we ask "wonder what went haywire there?"  The number of quilts and afghans quilted and knitted is important, and the quality of the cooking and housecleaning.  It is important to have been a loving husband or wife.  We are led to speculate about whether some old codger was actually an old grouch and a young hell-raiser until meeting EthaBell and becoming converted to righteous living somewhere along the line.  Gardening is another must.  A life full of super clean houses, kind and loving people, huge productive gardens, lives full of service and callings:  We all would like to be remembered more for who we can try to make people think we were than the way we actually knew we were.  After all, we only die once, and we hope for clemency when we hit the pearly gates.

Red Rose at Tonaquint Garden in St. George UT

 

Aging and Illness and Health Insurance

Last night my wife and I attended a dinner for a couple from our neighborhood who are moving to a new home.  She was operated on two years ago for a knee replacement and somehow the nerves in other knee were destroyed and she has been in a wheelchair ever since.  Just in the little circle at our end of the table our friends were dealing with the following health issues: Passing 12 kidney stones and related surgery; carpal tunnel surgery; side effects of statins following artery stents that ruined legs; colonoscopies; endoscopies; duodenal inflammation; ulcers; skin cancer;  general undiagnosed fatigue and illness; gall bladder surgery; hip replacement surgery; spinal stenosis; atrial fibrillation; dental implants; hearing loss; asthma; hitting the doughnut hole on drugs.  And there are probably other unknown ailments and many financial health-related financial issues.

Words that come to mind are: compassion. concern. help. life. endurance. health insurance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Aren't we supposed to be our brother's, and our sister's, keeper?  Aren't we supposed to seek the public good?

Some Thoughts on the Curmudgeonly Professor's 78th Birthday

Amazingly, I reached my 78th birthday on Friday September 17 2010.  Considering the fact that I thought I was going to die in the fifth grade when I was out of school nearly four months with complications from chicken pox, and that I have had virtually every fatal malady known to man since then, becoming 78 was miraculous.  Here are some thoughts and pontifications on reaching this milestone in life.

First of all, I am extremely irritated, while at the same time pleased, at lasting this long.  I was always the youngest at everything most of my life--graduate from high school, from college, master's degree, teaching college at 21, in the Michigan economics Ph.D. program at 24, youngest full professor, 26 when appointed director of the Wyoming Legislative Council, etc.  Now that I am old, none of this makes a shred of difference.  Now my only accomplishment is that I have outlived some people who I thought were far healthier than I am.  Old people have all reached the same common denominator.  It mattereth not whether they were a captain of industry, a leader of legions, a wealthy capitalist, or a poor person living in poverty.  We are all in the same boat.  That is, we are all wondering how much longer we will live and whether we will go quietly, with dignity and perseverance and a gentle smile, or whether we will, like I imagine myself, go whining and complaining all the way.  Depending on whether we write our own obits or not, we could go peacefully and heroically or cowardly and angry.

Meanwhile, the major topics of conversation are colonoscopies, endoscopies, stents, bypasses, PSA counts, gall bladders, ulcers, replacements of knees and hips and shoulders, spinal stenosis, arthritis, pain, misery, dental implants, oral surgeries, Medicare, Medicaid, health insurance or lack thereof, and every other ailment known to medicine.  Nothing like an intimate comparison of colonoscopies to enliven one's dinner hour.

There are some advantages to being of advanced age, though I refuse to call these years the golden years.  One advantage is that you know stuff for crossword puzzles that young folks under 50 or 60 don't have a clue about.  Another thing is that you have pretty much been there, done that.  One of the best advantages is seeing what happens as your posterity continues to grow and expand like an MLM with no further effort on your part except keeping up with the birthdays and Christmases and baptisms and weddings and LDS missions and graduations and new babies and moves.  Another advantage is being able to pursue interests other than those that permeated your career, whatever that was.  When I retired 10 years ago, I thought I would continue to write about economics.  As it turned out, I take pictures of flowers and post sarcastic (but utterly true and valid) remarks on blogs.  I still read economics, but I am so appalled at the density of voters and politicians on lack of understanding of economic principles that I wonder why even bother trying to teach a precious few about the difference between supply and demand and why it takes a few years to recover from a major economic disaster.  As in the 10 years and more that it took ultimately to recover from the Great Depression in the 1930s.

Then, I have come to understand that old people know much less than 10 year olds when it comes to computers, texting, Blackberries, video games, blogging, facebooking, twittering, and the like.  "Ask your grandson, or ask your granddaughter" are often repeated solutions to technological problems.  Today's kids are so technologically prescient and competent, that I wonder why we are not turning out more people with brighter ideas about how we can change our economic and political systems for the better instead of carping over long dead horses, still inflicting them with more punishment long after they have expired.

Old people do lots of good things, like volunteer at hospitals, prisons, low income neighborhoods, sit with sick people, tend grandkids, go on humanitarian missions, help neighbors, tutor school kids, and a million other things.  I can't say that I have done anything useful since I retired.  I hope that perhaps the thousands of cheerful flowers I have posted might have brought a smile or two to a few thousand blog readers along the way.  Being old is not all misery and it is not all easy and comfortable.  But there is something about life, and family, and nature that makes us feel that life is worth hanging on to for as long as we can.  In the process, we hope we are not making ourselves a nuisance and do, in fact, provide some encouragement and cheer along the way that provides a lasting impression to those around us.

Commentary on Retirement and Growing Older

A lifelong friend left me with this bit of wisdom the other day:

"Aging means shorter chores and longer naps."

A Mysterious Evergreen on the Grounds of the Dixie Regional Medical Center in St. George: Photos of the Day April 5 2010

Can someone please identify this tree?  I've never seen one like it before, but it was interesting to photograph

 

White Blossoms Brighten St. George Spring: Photo of the Day March 19 2010

More Photos of Pink and White Amaryllis

 

Most Frequent Questions that Geezers Ask

Here are a few of the most questions that geezers ask, over and over:

1. Have you seen my glasses?
2. Have you seen the remote?
3. What did you say?
4. Do you remember if I took my pills?
5. When are you going to pick up the newspapers?
6. What time is the appointment?
7. When are we going to Costco?
8. Did you renew your prescription?
9. Are you sure you feel well enough to go to church?

I'll probably think of some more, but these questions will do for a start.

The Curmudgeonly Professor Bemoans the Futility of New Years' Resolutions

The Curmudgeonly Professor has long ago learned, along with countless millions of other weak-willed but goodly intentioned citizens that making up New Year's Resolutions is a pitifully hopeless pastime.  I heard some statistics the other day about how quickly people abandon their fleeting good intentions to repent of all their sins, lose all their excess poundage, change their nasty dispositions into Pollyannaish sweetness, quit all their offensive and obnoxious bad habits, quit wasting time watching Matlock, clean out the garage, help with the dishes, and all manner of other behavior modifications to overcome heretofore slovenly, ignorant, and lazy behavior patterns.  No longer do we want to emulate Hagar the Horrible and the Born Loser on January 2.

Problem is, so the statistics show, and as a former statistician-economist, I know that statistics convey only truth, half of all folks give up on their resolutions within a couple of weeks.  The new gymnasium memberships are abandoned, the frozen pies are unthawed, the trips to McDonald's recommence, the new treadmillsand exercise bikes are sent to the basement or to a garage sale, a few bad words are slipped in a moment of despair, and the Lord, who knew your future patterns beforehand, acknowledges once more your sorry and miserable plight as a human being.  Within a couple more weeks, the pain of maintaining an unrealistically pure and righteous demeanor has become all too stressful, causing gastric distress, grouchiness, and doubts about the hopelessness of man.  And another half of the previous half drop out.  A few more days, and you guessed, it, half of the half of the half are dead ducks.  Before you know it, only two or three out of hundreds of millions have maintained their fervent devotion to cleanliness of mind, body, and spirit.  These people listen to Tony Robbins and Wayne Dyer self-improvement tapes 24 hours a day and also participate in self-hypnosis and study their horoscopes daily to determine if they will encounter a new love life before the day is over.  These people tend not to be members of the Rotary Club and have only a small circle of friends since the level of righteous and exactitude they convey is not conducive to mingling with riffraff, which most of us, regrettably, are members thereof.

All of this dire and Biblical-like pronouncement of woe and misery is not to suggest, however, that all is hopeless.  In future installments, the Curmudgeonly Professor will provide greater enlightenment on these weight matters that clog our brains at this inventory-taking time of year.

Six Things that will Help Keep Golden Agers Sharp, Healthy, Solvent, and Interested in Life

I've thought frequently about the differences between people my age, or a bit younger, or even older, who are alert, interested, optimistic, and healthy on the one hand and those on the other hand who act like the end of the world happened years ago.  Of course, some health issues are beyond our control, but what is under our control is how we deal with the issues, how we make sure we have the best quality of life for each day, each hour, no matter how miserable we are and how much pain we are in.  Some of the most outstanding accomplishments by people have occurred during their most difficult times.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. For heaven's sake, get a computer and learn how to use it.  I'm sick and tired of hearing old people say "I'm too old to learn how to use a computer and I don't want to bother.  I'm o.k. the way I am."  The best thing we oldsters can learn to do is stay alert, and to keep learning.  We need to have our networks of friends and to keep in touch with family and friends.  We need to remain excited about the wonders of the universe.  Get off your duff and spend $400-$500 for a computer and get your ten-year old grandchild to teach you how to use it.  Only 20 people out of my Class of '49 high school graduating class, out of about 50 surviving, are using computers.
2. Turn off the stupid TV unless you are watching documentaries, or something useful, like sports.  If you can afford it, get an HDTV, the pictures will blow you away and give you a whole new perspective on the wonders and beauties of the earth.  Stop saying "this one will do me."  I'm sick and tired of hearing "this one will do me" (till I croak).  If you have one day left, or a couple of thousand, enjoy each day to the max and take advantage of technology.
3. Do some exercises.  Even chair exercises help.  If you would just get a computer, you could check
   Amazon.com and find some exercise books and CD's for all ages and all stages of defunctness.  Studies show that people even in 80s and 90s who have been wheel-chair bound are up and moving around after just a few weeks of basic exercise.  Ask for help and get off your butts and turn off the stupid TV.  Dancing with the Stars won't get you anywhere except getting a massive headache.
4. Pay attention to your finances.  Fortunately, my wife takes care of ours.  I have asked her to outlive me for this reason.  Get the help of a financial adviser if all this seems beyond you.  Find an adviser through a bank or elsewhere who will be willing to work with you no matter what your financial status is.
5. Write your life story.  If you die without telling your story, you will have done a great disservice to your descendants.  Write even a page a day.  That's 365 pages in a year.  Knock off the usual excuses like "Nobody cares about me" (pity, pity me); I can't remember anything (stuff will start flowing into your brain when you start, and you can ask others who know stuff to help you).  For heaven's sake, leave some life legacy behind you that will be treasured for generations.
6. Get a cheap point-and-shoot digital camera to use with your new computer.  Too many people are far too lazy in recording the events of life.  A camera helps you connect with nature, with your family, with family history, and with what is going on in the world.

Well, there are lots of other things to help us golden-agers keep chugging along with an interest in what is happening in our lives.  We haven't mentioned things like volunteering at the hospital or the nursing homes or the care centers; helping kids learn how to read; visiting homebound friends and neighbors; and the list goes on and on.  The point is, do something!  If you do one thing, you are more likely to get more interested in doing other things.  So I don't want to see you sitting on your butt for endless hours watching mindless TV, no matter how miserable and defunct you are.  I could find you countless people who started out more miserable than you are and who are more defunct than you are who are living purposeful, meaningful lives.

Change in the Weather: Facing Up to Weather and the Ailments of Old Age

The temperature was 37 degrees in the SL valley this morning so the last roses outside my bedroom window survived another night.  Snow moved down the flanks of the Wasatch mountains night before last but hasn't yet reached the valley floor.  Petunias everywhere are crashing, but the hardy geraniums are still surviving and blooming nicely.  My neighbor who can hardly walk to begin with is more courageous than I am, and was just ending his morning walk, rain or shine, cold or heat, a few minutes ago.  The furnace repair man is here to do a six-months checkup and, according to schedule, discovered a $79 capacitor or whatever needed replacing, which is cheaper than the ususal $500 gizmo board which he says has gone out on previous visits.  Now if we can keep the air conditioner from freezing and freaking out the whole business next spring to save getting a new $8000 furnace/ac, life will be reasonably good, but I will worry about the $8000 furnace all winter.  All this in an eight-year-old home.  According to furnace repair guy, original furnace a POC, installed courtesy of contractor sleaze.

Visited urologist yesterday for periodic visit, great young doctor with sense of humor.  If you're just cruising past 50, be prepared to become friendly with your nice urologist for PSA (prostate specific antigen, cancer signal), enlarged prostate, various frequency issues, kidney stones, and other scary stuff.  The plumbing just isn't what it was at nineteen.  People who never mentioned the prostate in early life and who didn't know what it was find out in a hurry and then discuss it clinically with other men who have just figured out what this nasty little gland can do to you if it hates you and wants to punish you.  That's over with for the time being.  Now must get tooth pulled Tuesday for another $2,000 implant and crown.  The fourth.  Still better than the dentures my inlaws got in their sixties.  All this stuff did not have a lifetime guarantee.  Your body parts hate you if you survive past 60 and then get even with you for all the stuff you didn't take care of, the 3000 mile oil change, the daily flossing you should have done and neglected, the symptoms you were too scared to go check out in their early stages, your political affiliation, if you listen to Fox News, and if you oppose the public option in health care insurance.  And some times,your body parts just get tired and give up.

Younger people hate it when older people start talking about prostates, cancer, bypasses, stents, hip replacements, knee replacements, arthritis, and any one of a million other ailments plaguing the senior citizens in their golden age that has turned, as former LDS Church president Hinckley once said, to lead.  However, young people should pay attention and take better care of themselves while they have a chance.  Also they should get busy and enjoy life and do things and go places and hike up mountain sides and run while they have a chance, because much of what was good in life in younger years becomes only distant memories while people keep saying "I wish I woulda when I had a chance."

My wife has a built-in weather forecaster, since every time the air pressure shifts, she aches like crazy for a couple of days, and we know the weather is going to get worse.  We don't even have to turn on Live 5 Viper, whatever that is, or Channel 2 Weather hand wavers and finger pointers to know what is going to happen.

Some old people (and some not so old) wander around the house at night, looking for a few minutes' sleep somewhere, taking pain pills, clearing stuffy noses, waiting for the pain to subside, worrying about their next doctors' appointments, worrying about their kids and grand kids and great grandkids, repenting of their sins--at least til morning, going to the bathroom, watching infomercials, doing crossword puzzles, sitting and sleeping in the recliner, anything to kill time waiting for morning to come.  But then, blessed day, morning daylight comes, some times sunny, some times cloudy, and most of the boogey men that haunted them all night (no one has ever mentioned boogey women?) vanish, and life goes on.  And the seasons change, and the leaves change color, and the trees start waving their bony and bare arms in the stiff winter winds, and the snow falls, and life, for a time, seems more hopeful, no matter the burdens and the aches and pains.  And the possibilities for doing good continue, for spreading some cheer, for encouraging some one who is struggling and down, for smiling at a stranger, for hugging, for watching Mother Nature in all of her splendid manifestations.  And we may even tell God thank you.

Comments

cosmetic dentist vancouver said...

How much are we suffering...How much must we endure..but becomes..How can I make the most of each day that I have left..

Earlier I wrote a post on the problems old people often have getting through the night.  A dentist from Vancouver offered the comment above, which I thought deserved a special place since his words were so beautifully and helpfully phrased.  Thank you, and comment again soon.

 

 

 

The Role of Photography in the Rise of Social Networking (And Vice Versa)

A commenter wrote a whine on another photography site to the effect that the armies of digital point and shooters, social network uploaders and downloaders, were ruining the photography profession.  Well, sorry, but get used to the digital photography revolution.  Used to be, you had to have a big room full of vats of chemicals, developing photos one at a time, or take a 35 mm. roll of film in to get developed, wait a week, and then see how many bad pictures you had.  I doubt that the point-and-shooters will ever have much effect on the serious professionals, since we will still want good professionals to take our best pictures of our most important events.  But for everyone else, we are recording history, telling stories with photos, providing images under circumstances that were impossible to record before, and doing it all the second after something happens.

Besides, how did professionals get started?  By being an amateur, and then learning, working hard, and perfecting their ability to take outstanding photos.  The more good photos we all end up with, the better will be the chronicle of our days and lives.  My sister's husband had one picture, one lonely photo, of his entire boyhood.  Now Facebook and blogs alike and Twitter messages are sending the photos of newborn babies, birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, travel events, and daily life and we all know what is going on immediately rather than wait for a couple of photo reprints to arrive weeks later.

The more people who are learning and trying to take good photos, the better our photo record will be.  And no one, under any circumstances, will be able to suppress the flow of information and graphic pictures of what is happening in the world as long as someone is there with a camera phone.  There are no restrictions, thank heaven, on who can take, send, print, share photos with anyone else in the world.  We don't have laws or rules barring amateur point-and-shooters from taking pictures of anything, anywhere, any time except for special circumstances.  Photo editing software is becoming more ingenious daily.  Thousands of Photoshop plugins are continually being developed.  Of course, disreputable photographers can distort photos into lies by photo editing, and we do have to be careful of that happening so we don't distrust the photos that we see.

At no time in the history of photography has the ability to record the stories of our days and lives been more possible and more exciting than it is today.  So get a digital camera if you don't already have a half dozen of them, get a computer if you've been too lazy to buy one, and share the stories of the lives of people you care about in a way that no one ever thought possible only a couple of decades ago.  A little competition should just make it possible for all of us to learn how to take better photos.  Commercial services such as Zenfolio and Smugmug, in addition to numerous others, are making it possible to share images in new and creative ways.  Photos are the images and stories of our lives.  Good or bad, we treasure them because we treasure the people and events recorded in them.