The Curmudgeonly Professor

The Curmudgeonly Professor's Nominations for the Obnoxious TV Ad Hall of Fame

Economists teach a principle called the Theory of Diminishing Marginal Utility.  This term throws students off because of three words: theory, which means it will be hard; marginal, which means increment or change in; and utility, which means usefulness.  Put all together, it means, as I told my students, which they then remembered the rest of their lives, "If you eat too many bananas, eventually you will barf."  In other words, if we try a new entree at a restaurant, the first time it will taste fantastic.  The second time, a little less.  The tenth time, we're sick of it and want something new.

The same principle should be taught to TV ad executives and sponsors.  Ads that were funny and clever when they were first launched eventually grew tiresome.  Like the mean lady and the "where's the beef" phrase which entered our general language.  But we got sick of it.  Jared's ads for Subway grew a little wearisome, though they apparently really worked for Subway and imprinted on our minds the vast differences between the healthiest Subway sandwiches and the oceans of fat and calories in many fast (fat) foods.  Here are a few suggestions I am offering to advertisers and sponsors free of charge, no consulting fee involved:

• Discount Tires.  The mean old lady chucking a tire through the window of a Discount Tire store was really funny the first few times.  After the ten zillionth, not so funny.
• Geico lizard.  Minimize it or put it to rest.  Enough is enough.  I like the car driving cats and dogs, though.  They're new.
• Progressive Insurance girl.  She's cute, personable, vivacious.  But ten million times a day?  Please!
• R. C. Willey (UT) furniture spokeswoman:  Again, she's cute and personable.  But so help me I'm tired of seeing her a million times a day, often several ads in sequence in a one hour program.
• Buxom lady peddling shaving lotion.  You know who I mean.  Coca-Cola pioneered in using sex to sell Coke decades and decades ago and sex has since been used to sell everything, whether there is any connection between the buxom, and often excessively bare, lady and the product being advertised.  Oh, I forgot, any beautiful lady can sell anything from hubcaps to hair spray.
• Miller Lite ads.  Over and over and over and over.  Must sell beer or they wouldn't make the rest of us nauseated continually.
• Adam Haysbert.  Nice guy, but again, Principle of  Diminishing Marginal Utility set in months and months ago.  Freshen up your ads.
• South Town Auto Mall Ads in Salt Lake City. Crank up the volume, find the loudest and most obnoxious person to sell cars, and annoy us a million times a day.
• Ambulance chasing lawyers.  Over and over and over.  Obviously make money to afford all these ads.

The Curmudgeonly Professor has nothing against ads, in principle.  But are advertisers and ad agencies so tone deaf, unimaginative, tight-fisted, and inconsiderate of the public that they can't come up with a new and innovative wrinkle, spokesperson, gimmick, or something to relieve our tedious boredom of same old, same old, same old.  The Principle of Diminishing Marginal Utility set in long ago on some ads, as we got sick of them months and even years ago.  Just a suggestion.  No charge.

The Curmudgeonly Professor's Brilliant Guide to Entrepreneurship Part 6

The next Principle of Entrepreneurship:  Do not, I repeat, do not, and then repeat again, go into business with your relatives.  If you got along well before you went into business, the odds are you will end up hating each other and causing family rifts that could last for generations.  Admittedly, some successful business ventures involve relatives.  But the risks of disagreement, shenanigans, blame, anger, misunderstandings, arguments, and who knows what else are too great to take the risk.  Forget about doing business with your relatives if you want to live out your life in peace and harmony.

The Curmudgeonly Professor's Brilliant Guide to Entrepreneurship: Part 5

Thus far, you have been warned about promises and images of instant and magnificent riches while you lounge in your hammock and drive your Lexus to the 7-11 for a 64 ouncer guzzle cup.  Plus, we have commented on the plethora of get-rich-quick books.  So here is part 5:

Do not go into any business where you are required to purchase $300 worth of motivational tapes which, presumably, will motivate you to get off your sorry rear end and become an overnight success.  In reality, you have enriched your salesperson by $300 and, like deathbed repentance, once your moment of euphoria is over, you will be the same slothful person you were before.  Though you could continue to listen to the motivational tapes for entertainment.

The Curmudgeonly Professor's Brilliant Guide to Entrepreneurship: Part 4

Thus far, in Parts 2 and 3, we have forewarned you about some businesses you should avoid like the plague.  Our short course in entrepreneurship may seem a bit succinct, but if readers will pay attention they may save their family savings, their marriage, their family, their sanity, and whatever resources they may have if they pay attention.  Here is the next lesson:

Avoid reading books with titles  like "How to become a millionaire overnight," "How to have untold riches from basically doing nothing but reading this book," or, not so subtle, "Help me get richer than I already am by buying my book and sending copies to all your relatives."

You may get pumped up by reading the book, but that's all that will get pumped up.  People don't get rich by reading get rich quick books.  They may not get rich by having a good idea and then using their head and then working their rear ends off, but if they are prudent and continue to read my unfolding saga of entrepreneurship, they may at least save their rear ends.  Which is preferable to the alternative..

The Curmudgeonly Professor's Brilliant Guide to Entrepreneurship: Part 3

Previously posted Part 2 warned against euphoric enticements to riches.  Here is Part 3:  Do not go into any business where the promoter of the business drives a Lexus, wears gold cuff links, and wants to sell you 300 bucks worth of tapes and CDs (money back, of course, if you don't get rich).  Guess who is getting rich here?

The Curmudgeonly Professor's Brilliant Guide to Entrepreneurship: Part 2

See Part I in earlier post.

Part 2:  Do not even think about going into any business where you are being enticed by marketing bloviators with slide shows and beautiful printed folders showing megamansions, swimming pools, fleets of Lexus and Mercedes-Benz automobiles, and promising early retirement while you lay in your hammock in the Bahamas sipping icy drinks and collecting your fortune which daily comes automatically to you in the mail.  These enticements only lead to misery, pain, and eating up your money to 99% of those who are gullible enough to listen and bite.

The Curmudgeonly Professor's Brilliant Guide to Entrepreneurship Part 1

If you want to become an entrepreneur, you just declare that you are one and then start something.  Questions are, when and where and what to start?  To get answers, you can go to college and take a four year degree plus an MBA in entrepreneurship.  Or you can read two or three dozen books about the histories of entrepreneurs and the companies they started.  And you can read another two or three dozen books about companies that were started and failed.  And you can also read another five dozen books about previously successful companies that got constipated and failed.

The Curmudgeonly Professor is highly qualified as a failed entrepreneur, having gone belly-up on all of my money-making schemes.  However, I am also an expert on business histories and biographies of entrepreneurs and their successes and failures.

What we are embarking on here is a short course in entrepreneurship.  Our lessons will be short and to the point.  You can read longer and more involved treatises, but we will cover some things here that some times get overlooked during the euphoria