You will recall that recently the Curmudgeonly Professor expounded on the evils of modern technology and restated Blood's Law of Modern Technology, viz., (1) nothing ever works, (2) if it quits working no one can fix it, and (3) if someone does fix it, it won't stay fixed very long.\
The Curmudgeonly Professor does not wish to expound on fictitious laws without scientific verification and expert analysis. Also, the Professor feels compelled to quote from the revised book of Lamentations ch. 42: v. 106: Woe, woe unto those who have placed their faith in modern technology because yea, verily, your life will be plagued with boils and miseries. How blessed they were in Biblical times to be limited to plagues of locusts.
Here is a summary of the Professor's week of misery, complaints, and frustrations with modern technology:
- On Monday, the refigerator freezer's ice maker went kaput, for the zillionth time. Now this event would not be so dramatic except we had already had four warranty service calls on it, including installation of new parts and, ultimately, the installation of an entirely new ice maker. Not to mention that immediately after we received our wonderful new Whirlpool fridge two years ago, we had to have an entire new freezer door installed. So on Tuesday the repair guy worked on it awhile and then announced that he would have to order another new freezer door. We have been trying to determine if and when Whirlpool will give us our money back on this lemon so we can get a new fridge and start over again one more time. After all, our previous Amana fridge had lasted 9 years and the one before that 20 years without a service call. Meanwhile he stuffed a couple of rags in the ice chute and patched up the electronic circuitry with some duct tape so we could freeze ice cubes during the interim period.
- On Tuesday, my computer printer went bonkers. So, determining that I actually needed new ink cartridges, the total cost of which exceeded the original cost of the printer which came as an almost-freebie with my new computer, we hied to Office Depot for ink cartridges, receiving a free (yes free! Hallelujah!) 4G flash drive for spending $75 on ink. On coming home, I discovered the black cartridge didn't fit, necessitating a trip back to Office Depot, whereupon it was explained to me that HP no longer made the fat black cartridge and I should go back home and stick the skinny one in which I had already tried. But I did try again and it worked. I am afraid to turn on my printer, but at least I know it has been endowed with printing authority and should be able to function so I can print off a batch more recipes from AllRecipes et. al.
- Yesterday the phone quit working, making an extraordinarily loud buzzing noise when trying to talk or listen, plus people on the other end couldn't hear us. After 30 minutes of automated phone torture, my wife finally talked to a live body who explained that if the phone company had to come out to the house there would be an $85 service charge if the problem was not in the external line. He did say in a kindly fashion that he would check the lines from his exalted office and call us back in 3 minutes to let us know if he found out anything. That event was over 3 hours ago during which time I listened to the last 20 minutes of a lousy Matlock episode. As of yet, we have not heard from exalted phone tech guy who obviously does not understand what it means to say he would call back in 3 minutes. I hope he is enjoying his coffee break, or, if in Utah, Diet Caffeinated Coke break.
- I messed up Google Chrome while trying to block some porn that crept in and I can't figure out how to unblock it to get to my other blogs.
- My wife's TV quit working and we had to get a new receiver from Direct TV.
- Today, the main TV set took an hour and a half before it decided to honor us by coming on so we could watch political rants and accusations to entertain us this afternoon.
- My hearing "aids" continue to torture me and blast me into the stratosphere by making loud noises so much louder.
- Another ceiling light went out in the kitchen.
- I burnt 4 pieces of French Toast because the food blesser blessed too long.
- My internet keeps going off and on and off and on, resulting in stuff like "oh my heck" and other Utah sayings.
- One of the main joys if stuff not working is the automated phone system in which our call is extremely important to them, we should continue to hold and a service representative will be with us in the next 2 hours, and we should continue to have our ears blasted with the most obnoxious "music" available. Then we get a "tech" from somewhere in Cambodia or Guatematala, and we all know that outsourcing is not politically correct because it deprives able people from getting American jobs so we can at least understand what they are saying and the Gross Domestic Product will be increased, the unemployment rate will go down, domestic spending will rise, and WalMart sales will accelerate if we hire US of A types to confound us on our service calls.
I know this list is incomplete, but it is sufficient, as Matlock and the real lawyers say, to cause a belief in reasonable doubt that anything ever works or that it can ever get fixed, thus justifying my faith in the Law of Modern Technology. The washing machine is living on borrowed time. The Food Saver is defunct and won't seal. Woe unto those who put their faith in modern technology. Have a nice day.